Have a Happy New Year!

Family photos

We took our Christmas photos last week at a local park as a family, with our newest addition, Ms. Roxie Belle Anderson.

Home for Christmas

The semester is finally over, and I made it out with good grades to boot, so altogether I would call the last 4 months a success. I now get to spend the next three weeks loafing, before getting ready for another busy, but not quite as hectic, semester.

Our new puppy, Roxie, is amazing. She is a total spazz, and eats anything and everything including my sister's make-up pencil, but she is just adorable, and has the sweetest face, and loves everyone who walks into the room. I have started calling her shadow because she follows you everywhere you go, and sometimes we accidentally step on her because she is so small, dark, and right under your feet. She is a cutie though.

I got to read a book for the first time in several months, and have watched TV, actual television in real time, not online shows. It is all too bizzarre to live life at the pace the rest of my family has, but it is exciting. I just hope I don't get bored sitting at home by myself this week. Ash will be home part of the time so it shouldn't be too bad, but Chel has finals and Mom and Dad have work so, it may be slightly quiet.

I am helping Ash watch our neighbor Jessica tomorrow, and apparently she is a little hellion, so it should be interesting to see if she is really as bad as they say. Ash says she likes to eat some food, chew it up, and then spit it all over the floor... yippee....

Things are going pretty good, can't ask for much more. It should be a fun holiday season, and if anything, relaxing, which is just the dose of medicine I need right now.

Thanksgiving

Here is the package I shot for Thanksgiving of the Wilcock family. It was one of three thanksgiving dinners we shot, but I didn't post the other thanksgiving pieces. If you want to see the whole piece and today's show, go to www.usu.edu/atvnews

Wild Idea

So I decided to try something radical, something totally off the wall, and so I deactivated my facebook account. It will only be for a brief amount of time, how brief is brief is yet to be determined, but I decided to try it out. So far everything seems to be fine, the universe hasn't collapsed, my pulse is regular, and there isn't a mad mob outside my window, so I am assuming that everything will remain normal.

I decided that Facebook was consuming too many meaningless hours of my life, and that it was completely unneccesary for the time being, so I am going to go cold turkey and see how long I can last.

Don't get me wrong, I realize the merits of Facebook as a networking resource, but there comes a point when you just want a phone call from someone, or a regular conversation, and I am tired of hearing pivatol life moments of people via their status, when it would be nice to hear it from them face to face.

And yes, I realize that when you begin writing a post about the fact that you are disconnecting from facebook, that you are practically broadcasting it to the world that your life is not in the least bit interesting. Okay, so my life isn't boring, it is downright crazy and busy, but it is all work stuff, and no one wants to hear about work stuff.

PS It didn't work because my phone broke and then the only way I had to keep in touch with people was Facebook, and now I am completely devoted again...and so goes the life.

The next 1.5 years of my life.

Well, I got my schedule all figured out. The intial goal was to graduate next December, but I have decided to take a smaller credit load. My typical semester has consisted of about 17 credits, but from here on out I am taking 12. On top of that, half of them will be electives. Next semester will still be pretty busy, a little bit easier than this one, but full nevertheless. However, My senior year is going to rock with easiness. I will be done with Newscast, which consumes 20 hours of my life a week, and will have only 4 real classes left to take, and then 4 electives. I will only be taking two real classes a semester next year, and then 2 fun classes, so it should be exciting.

I am going to have my same job again because it is so much fun. I have decided to wait and do an internship until after I graduate, and go home again for the summer and work. Hopefully FFF will re-hire me and I can make enough money to put away a few thousand and also buy a cheap car that will get me from A to B.

Things are looking good. This week, although busy, has run very smoothly, so that is nice. I can hardly wait for Thanksgiving, however, I need that time to write my 15 page Political Science paper! EEK!

MY FIRST CD!!!!!

I recorded my first little Single CD last week, and I loaded all of the songs onto Myspace, so all of you should go and check them out!

www.myspace.com/lindsaymarieanderson

Home again

I got back from the conference yesterday afternoon and slept and slept and slept.

The conference was pretty fun, I had a good time, and it went by really fast.

On Thursday we arrived in Colorado around 4, but didn't leave the airport until 5:30, because our shuttles were late. We arrived at UC-Boulder with half an hour to check in, eat some Subway, and then run to Roll Call.

Roll Call was painful. It consisted of four hours of different schools standing up and cheering, dancing, and performing less than mediocre skits that were all very similar. After the first 10 I was done, ha ha. After that we went back to the hotel. grabbed a bunch of snacks from the hospitality room, and crashed.

We woke up every morning at 7:00 to get ready, eat the continental breakfast provided by our hotel, and then we were off to program sessions.

First off, finding our way around the campus was very difficult. For starters, North and South were completely backwards, because the mountains were now on our west side instead of our east side. This threw me off- a LOT! Next, all of the buildings had the exact same brick work and roofing tile. The buildings were all identical, and I wandered in circles more than once.

Back to programming. When we applied for the conference we had to submit a program, one that would be applicable to our jobs as housing leaders, and would be things we could take back and use on our campus. Then the conference coordinators selected about 80 programs from the ones submitted to present at the conference. 8 people were chosen to present from USU, which is a pretty big deal. On average, a school will have 2-3 programs chosen.

So Friday consisted of going to different programs. My program wasn't until Saturday, so I went around watching other people's. I hated all the programs I went to. The first was Root Beer Pong. The other delegates who went to this meeting were, well, let's just put it this way. UC-Boulder is ranked one of the top 10 party schools in the nation. They lived up to that title. I do not advocate drinking games I discovered, and was disappointed that student leaders from other schools were actually, on a regular basis, playing drinking games with their residents. I don't think it really matters even if you are using Root Beer, promoting drinking games in such a light hearted manner is bound to be bad. It just seems logical. I was furthermore surprised to hear everyone's drinking stories. One girl even leaned over smiling at me and said, "I played this one last week, and got so drunk I passed out." I smiled and thought to myself, "Wow, do you really want to go around telling people that?"

I guess I just don't understand this mentality. I don't see why it would be so cool to drink yourself to unconsciousness, or to binge drink period. Common knowledge tells you it is bad for you, so why in the world would you do it. On top of that, you look like an idiot, and you sound uneducated and unsophisticated bragging about it. Enough said.

The next program was titled, '21st Century Tie-dying.' It sounded like a lot of fun, and in their defense was a great idea, but the exexcution of the program was monotonous. It went like this:

"Hello everyone. We are going to make you a custom spray paint t-shirt. We have made this stencils you can choose from. Please form three straight lines and I will spray you a shirt. This is a great activity because people love free shirts."

That really was it. Then we stood in line for 45 minutes to watch someone else make you a shirt, smile and hand it over. In my opinion, waaaay boring, AND, people love free stuff, but why on earth would this activity be of value to anyone? It will in no way impact the community in which you live. Programs should better your community, bring a new idea to the table that will enhance and create relationships and the college experience.

The last program I went to for the day was good, and better than the first two, but not outstanding. Overall I was disappointed with my program experience, but it sounded like other people went to better programs.

Friday evening was a basketball game, and Casino night. UC-Boulder has the most pathetic crowd of students I have ever seen. There are about 200 of them, who sit, and barely cheer. About 100 people from our conference went to the game, all of us in UC-Boulder mustard color game shirts, and cheered louder than the entire stadium. Then we went to casino night, and I played texas hold 'em. I doubled my money in half an hour, my friend Justin crapped out about 5 times. Then I went home and slept.

Saturday I got up, and ran over to my presentation. I gave a presentation on 'Fighting the Freshman 15.' I had about 10 people show up, which is a decent number, and they all loved it. I gave some great tips on ways to eat right, tricks for knowing what to eat, snack options, tricky exercise options, etc. At the end of every program there is an evaluation to determine what programs will be in the top 10. On a scale of 1-10 in 5 categories, the participants evaluate the program. I got almost all perfect scores. An hour later I found out I had been voted into the top 10 programs, and would be presenting two more times. Both went really really well.

Saturday night we also had a banquet and a dance. This creaper guy kept following me around at the dance, and people were grinding around everywhere, which brings me to my next reason why I love USU and wouldn't trade going here for the world.

I know I have had my complaints about guys lately, and I still think there is room for improvment here at USU, but the guys at this conference and at the UC-Boulder Conference were dogs. They were total jerks and the comments I heard, and the way girls were talked about, completely disgusted me. I wanted to beat a few people up, I will admit. I couldn't believe the way the womanized and degraded the girls around them. It really opened my eyes to how good we really have it here at USU.

The guy at the dance wouldn't let me be, he kept trying to move in and dance with me and I had to keep politely rejecting his advances. He wanted to "Keep in Touch" I spelled my name wrong and told him to look me up on Facebook before finally fleeing the scene with my friends. We hid out in the dim lit disco bowling alley and played a round of funky bowling, and then did a couple Karaoke songs.

We woke up at four the next morning to get to the airport, fly home, and then I crashed.

More went on at the conference, there were key note speakers, games, etc, but that is the gist. I am just happy to be back at USU.

Now I have to get back to the grind. Things are busy, but I am doing well. I have to meet with my guidance councelor on Tuesday to determine the next 2-3 semesters I have left, and decide internships. Should be good.

Busy Busy Busy

There really is not enough time in the day to get everything done, it is amazing how I have managed so far. I have never been this busy in my entire life, and this week is no exception. I am going to IACURH, an intermountain leadership conference, this Thursday. We leave at 10, and go to the airport, and then I guess the entire weekend is run run run. I am presenting at the conference on healthy eating and exercise habits for college students, so hopefully that goes over well. To get ready for this I am in charge of the spirit costumes, and today my partner and I are making 16 shirts for our group, and then we are also making necklaces and head and arm bands. Should be fun.

The t-shirts have a kiss mark and an Aggie A on the front, and say, "Wanna be a True Aggie?" on the back.

On top of that, I had to trade days to work at the newspaper, because I will be gone Thursday, so I am working there tonight, and I have to do a news package on all of the propositions across the country for tomorrow's ATV News broadcast. Oh, and my Area Government meets at 7, so I need to go to their meeting.

Yeah, throw in church, and my day is booked.

The rest of the week follows suit. Tomorrow I have class until five, then I need to shoot Aggie Kitchen for Thursdays show, either tomorrow or Tuesday, most likely Tuesday the way my schedule is going. I have staff meeting at 7, and an IACURH meeting at 8, and then homework.

Tuesday class until 4, then shoot Aggie Kitchen, then at 8 I have an appointment to go record all my guitar songs on some nice equipment, with my friend Spencer.

Wednesday i class until 4, then try to edit Aggie Kitchen before six, because from 6-10 I will be having RHA meetings. Then I need to come home and pack, and make any last minute conference arrangements.

Thursday-Sunday I will be at conference, and then Sunday at midnight, Mandy Booth, my BFF, is having a work party and going to Quantum of Solace, and asked me to be her date.

So there you go, my entire week. Every minute is booked. I may have to wear some Depends just to make it through this week with some dignity, ha ha.

New Guitar Song- Easy

I wrote a new song I really really like, the guitar and singing makes it the best, but the lyrics are the best I can do.

If only it were easy
like ABC or 1-2-3
You treat love like a light switch
you just flip it on or off

But it's not.

If only it were easy
to erase the yous and me-eesies.
If only I could wipe away
Every trace, in space,
the way you made me feel

You think that I can disect my heart and mind
and in a day, just let all my thoughts decay
of you and me, and how it used to be
and the love you gave and swiftly took away
from me.

You act like nothing ever happened
Like our lips were never buds
You recoil from my attention
As if we never touched

If only it were easy
to pretend we were friends all along
If only it were easy
to pretend our love was wrong

But its not
and we weren't
and this sucks cause I'm hurt

and in case you forgot
this is not this is not this is not this is not this is not
this is not

easy.

If only it were easy,
like ABC or 1-2-3
but its not, no its not
and I haven't forgot

More Poetry

Poem inspired by the painting "Beanstalk" by Gordon Onslow

Death by Stalk

Behind the black and white stalk he ran,
Ebony ink dripping from his hands.
"Jackie come back to me!" I demand.
But he climbs on the stalk at my reprimand.

I lick my freshly salted lips,
Sniffing tears between his quips,
He promised I could come this trip.
But he's lied again - I hope he slips.

I stand in my pristine wedding smock
Wanting to climb the ink sopped stalk,
But second guess when I think of the mock
I'd encounter if I stained my white frock.

This was Jack's intention you see
To go alone again, leaving me
So he painted the stalk so colorfully
So I can't join him as a "we."

But Jack spun his web of lies
Of golden geese and massive pies.
The fibs he told were giant size
To hide the truth before my eyes.

Why would you string me along like that?
Like waving a mouse before a cat?
Raise my hopes, then knock me flat
Call me your love, then run like a rat.

At the stem of the stalk I foolishly wait
For Jack to come down and reinstate
The plans that we had for our wedding date,
But it's getting late, and I'm growing irate.

I approach the stalk and carefully linger,
Dipping the dark paint on my finger.
I paint war striped on my cheeks in anger
And morph into the justice bringer.

"SELFISH, STUPID JACK!" I scream,
"You PROMISED me we'd be a team!"
But now all I want, all I can dream
Is to ring your neck, and beat you to cream.

At this thought something finally snaps.
I run to the shed and grab the ax
Behind the stacks of Jack's Giant Land crap,
and run back to the stalk to get back at the sap.

And I chop and slash away at its base -
Tears streaming down my determined face,

And I let out a cry, cause I hate Jack -
And I want to make sure he never comes back.

Sonnet Poem - Pens can't mend hearts

Your weapon of choice - your pen
To Disect my fraying heart.
With written word my friend,
You quip and clip and dart -
Between my sobs of pain -
You lyrically profess
The way you love again
and all feelings I supress.
Your love is true and sure
But it won't fix this wound
For long before your cure,
My Taste for love was ruined.
So fade away and vow
To leave me with my broken crown.

Pastoral Poem - Wisdom in our Wood

Our special place, the hidden wood
Where as small children we knew we could
Run wild like the elk, and free like the wind
And embrace that time without an end

The colors sweep around our world
Emerald, sun toned hues, and gold
Long stemmed grasses bend and bow
Near the bush where the blackberries grow

With purple stained lips we laugh with glee
And believe this is all we'll ever need
As five year olds we are so wise
And see the world through clearer eyes

We grasp our hands and climb our tree
And sit in its branches completley free
From all oppression and thoughts of war
And all was sweet, we knew no sour

We could sip the honeysuckle dew all day
Laughing, in the breeze we sway
And bathe in the cool autumn air
Barefoot, naive, without a care.

As the sun sets low up in the sky
We embrace in moonlight, say goodbye
And dream all night of the secret glen
Where on the morrow we'll meet again.

Paint Dance!

These are the pictures from the USU Paint Dance and Street Painting, both USU Homecoming traditions. I had a blast, as you can see from these pictures. It took a 20 minute shower, dish soap, and lots of shampoo to rectify this mess, but it was so worth it!!!

Silver Linings

I have had a few very awful weeks, lots of mishaps and bad luck, and yet nothing has been able to break me down, I have been persistently happy, I am totally digging this jovial perspective I have maintained.

I had the worst blind date in the history of blind dates and yet I managed to make it a joke and even laughed off his mean insults when I refused a second date.

I got dumped for the first time in my life, and yet he and I are doing really well at being friends, and I am even going on a date tomorrow and feel totally great about it.

I am going to have an awesome weekend. I am going to Frightmares with my friend Shari, and I am also going to a corn maze with a bunch of friends. I am just way happy with life, nothing is going to break me down.

I hope this persists, I hope it is a permanent attitude attribute.

FINALLY some rest.

I have been going at full speed the last few weeks because my plate was completely full. I had three midterms, I did four packages for ATV News, I had a ton of advocacy issues to solve for on-campus residents, I have been getting ready to go to IACURH our leadership conference by writing bids for people at our school (bids are eight page scrapbooks really with a persons involvment, service, academics, etc. that say why they are cool and they can win awards at our conference) and on top of that I have been interviewing people for the statesman, ATV News, and the bid, while trying to maintain a social life. It has been exhausting. My roommate and I turned to each other today and said, "I am so sick of getting ready." Its 8 a.m. and we are both WAY tired, I just wanted to go back to bed, but I am not quite done yet.

This weekend, is fall break, and I will finally get a reprieve. On Friday I am going to Frightmares with my friend Shari, I am pretty excited, I have never been before, hopefully we have a good time. On Saturday I am going to hang out with my friends at some point, make my bulletin board, etc. Should be good.

Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have the time pass any slower, this is a very nice pace, I like super sonic speed at the moment :)

Babes in the Woods Part II

Last fall my best friends and I went up Green Canyon here in Logan and took family pictures. This year we did the same thing, and kept the tradition alive. Without futher adieu, here are some of the camparisons from last year to this year and how we have all changed.

Last Year

It's amazing how much changes in one year. Last year there were so many things going on in my life that I don't even think about any more. One year ago I was stuck in such an unpleasant perspective, I was walking around with tunnel vision, sure that what I was doing and what was happening in my life was the best. I really lost sight of who I was and what I deserve, but luckily, I saw the big mistake I was going to walk into and did a 360. I have changed and grown so much as a person. I am grateful for the life experience I have gained this last year, but am also glad that phase of my life is over. However, I do miss the cute hair I had in these pics.....oh well, give it a few months and I will have it again :)

This Year

I hope that one year from now I can look back on these pictures and marvel at the wonderful changes I have made in my life, which is a constant progression. One year from now I should be getting ready to graduate from college, and moving on to a career, to my own real apartment, perhaps even dating someone really great. I don't know what next year holds for me, but one thing I do know is that I can choose my attitude no matter what life throws at me, and I vow to make my life happy no matter what my circumstances are. I hope one year from now I can still maintain the same broad smile on my face, and if I can do that, then I will have accomplished something great.

My Column Piece for The Utah Statesman for October

I write a monthly column for The Utah Statesman, and this is my third column piece. Enjoy!

A few weeks back you will recall my article "single sucks." Since that time I can only think of one thing that is worse, and that would be dating.
Dating is one of the most torturous events anyone can go through. I am not talking about those stable happy relationships, but rather actual dating, the no commitment, getting to know people phase.
First you see someone, and you think they are way attractive, but you can't just go up to them and tell them that, because then you would be classified as a creep. See, our society does not value honesty in this circumstance. Rather, it is socially acceptable to pretend you don't even care for the other person that way. You have to play the game, and you have to do it well. To play the game you need to play it cool. There is no just walking up to the person and asking them out. You need to accidentally bump into the person, or have a friend introduce you, that way you gain credibility.
WHY? Why do we no longer value honesty, why can't you just walk up to someone and tell them what's on your mind? We all find people attractive, we all like other people, why is it so unacceptable to tell a person that you think they are beautiful or amazing? Shouldn't a person be flattered by these comments instead of creeped out? Apparently not. So right from the beginning everyone is nervous about being classified as a creep.
The next step, if you are introduced in the acceptable manner, is to figure out how to get to know the person better. You could attempt to get their number, but what if they reject you? That would just be plain awkward. It has been my experience that the best way is to figure out through a little investigation how you can "bump" into each other again. Perhaps a little Facebook stalking? Don't tell me you have never done it. Facebook is the new, and almost preferred, dating medium, and there is no harm in adding your new interest as a friend.
Pardon the reiteration, but WHY? Why are we so communication retarded. When did we as a generation lose interest in communication skills? All the time people break-up over text and e-mail. I have been asked out on more than one first date by an e-mail, and let me tell you, those first dates went absolutely nowhere. Why are we more comfortable with writing each other a message than talking to a person? I personally think it is plain silly and issue all of you a challenge. Try using a phone sometime, it is not that horrible.
Okay, moving on. You've done the initial second pseudo interaction. Now what? An actual interaction. How do you get to see them again? At this point I am reaching either apathy toward the whole situation, or am feeling a little bit discouraged. I begin thinking, "There is no way this guy would ever be interested in me. He probably has a girlfriend. There is no way we would ever get along. He is going to think I am crazy. I am probably going to hate his personality. I bet he is gay, etc. etc. etc." The whole dating task seems nearly impossible at the beginning, and it is so much easier at this point just to give up than exert the energy to move forward, but like good little boys and girls we are all ambitious and thirsty for the next step, and most of the time we pursue it.
Now you have to lay your pride on the line. This step I have heard from most of my guy friends is the hardest, the actual date asking. Will she say yes, and if she does, is she just being nice? We really work dating up to be such a big deal, when, c'mon, it does not to be the end all of everything. If the person says no, so what? Are you going to go home and cry? Maybe, but honestly, this is not going to destroy the rest of your life. Also, for the people who get asked, just because a person is asking you on a date does not mean they want to marry you. Dating, yes, can lead to marriage (that sounds like an attorney generals cigarette warning, 'smoking cigarettes may lead to cancer.'), but it doesn't always, especially at the beginning. Yet, despite all of these rationalizations, it always ends up being a big deal. We get nervous at this point, with sweaty palms and dry lips we walk up to that person and hope with all our might that something will work, and when it does, you embark on the first date, the start of your journey toward the ever coveted "relationship."
If you continue dating, there are pit-stops on the way to an actual relationship. The always awkward first hand hold, or first kiss. The first kiss cracks me up, and I never do it well. I always give nervous giggles in between kisses, thinking to myself, "I have no freaking clue what I am doing!" Why didn't anyone ever think to teach a class on kissing? I have been kissing for years, and every first kiss I think that same thing, and I doubt I will ever really know what I am doing. Back to the subject though, initiating these physical manifestations of love are very difficult, and if not overcome with a minimum amount of grace, can doom any potential relationship. I do not need to emphasize again how scary dating is, you all already know that, but this particular event is one of the hardest. I once dated a boy who it took eight months to initiate the hand holding stage, it took him nine to ask me to be his girlfriend, and I can tell you, he was SCARED.
Finally, if you get there, you have a "DTR." In my last relationship I had to initiate it, because he just wasn't going to go there. I was WAY terrified. We had been dating for a few weeks, and we had never discussed anything remotely close to what we were and where we were going. I was way confused on top of already being a confusing person - not a good combination. To be honest, my brain was a pile of mush. I turned to my girlfriends for advice and support, and they told me it was obvious he liked me, I should just ask him what he thought of "us." I finally did, but it was really hard, and even after the talk I was left confused about what we were.
Here is the point, why does something that is supposed to be wonderful intimidate us all? Why have we all made it so hard for one another? What group of people got together and decided to write our societal norms? If I ever find out what committee was in charge of the dating segment of norms, I am going to write them a very nasty letter. I swear they must have sat around some prestigious table laughing their heads off writing the dating constitution and any of its amendments. Regardless of how they came about however, I guess I still don't understand why dating in its entirety has to be so complicated. Yet, dating is what it is, and I don't think it is going to change anytime soon, no matter how many columns I write.
Dating is messy. It can hurt like heck, I know this one all too well. Even after you think things are stable and that the other person truly does care for you, the rug can still be pulled out from under you. We all take the risk, and we all will, at some point, get hurt. Dating sucks- there is no doubt about it - but we still do it. I have fresh wounds from my latest dating endeavor, and getting back on the horse seems more bleak than ever, and yet I can't wait to do it again.
Is the human race compiled entirely of sadistic individuals? Perhaps, but there is a high that comes from dating, from finding someone to share everything with, that you can't find anywhere else, and while most of the time it seems we fall flat on our butt, there are occasions when things work, and they are wonderful. When you finally find the person who gets you, and who wants to spend all the time in the world with you, all of the bumps and bruises will be worth it, or at least that is what I hear. I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing that just yet, but I maintain hope that it does work like that at some point. I can't wait until I can cash in all of these scars for someone who happens to like the mangled emotional carcass I have become because of my awful dating past. Maybe I will even find someone who can heal me completely. In the meantime all I can do is hope, and keep playing this awful game of dating, that truly, truly, TRULY sucks.

Newscast

So as you may or may not know, I am a Broadcast Journalism Major, and as part of that I participate in the Newscast class. We put on two shows a week that are broadcast over USU's cable network, but we also post shows online. Feel free to check out our website and watch some of our stuff!

http://www.usu.edu/ATVNews

Poetry

I am taking a poetry class. Here are a few of the poems I have written so far:

-

Baggage

-

I have carried people too long

I am worn and broken down

My time is almost up

One more use and then I will expire

Please use me wisely

I can't risk another fall

The time has come

for someone else to carry me

Cradle me, care for me, love me

I'm letting myself go

I'm opening up to you

I'm so fragile

You run your fingers over me

It is so blatant strengthonce resided there

but now, one wrong move,

and I may crumble

Please don't hurt me

Carry me forward

Don't drop me

Or else I may disappear into the past.

-

Glued in a Memory

-

She places her hand on the soft place next to her-
his old favorite spot.
A tender warmth rises within her
as memories flood around the room

of his eyes, and their pools of desire,
his lips and their gentle tuliped touch,
the way his hands would touch her cheek,
and the way he filled every gap.

If he were here, she thinks- but stops herself.
Thinking always gets her into trouble.
But the spectrals are already awoken,
and the night and loneliness consume the din.

He was here at one time,
but when- and where- and why- she knows not.
All she knows now is the surety
that he was once- and now he is not

But her lips remember his touch,
and the bed still cradles his imprint,
carrying his memory like a mother her tender infant,
not unlike she carries him in her heart.

She would say love is a double edged sword
and can't quite decide,
whether or not she agrees that
"it is better to have loved and lost."

Because with more clarity than ever
she can feel the holes again-

and what he once filled,
he has departed from.

Only one sure thing remains- the sunken spot,
the only physical manifestation he was here-
and it is the perfect hollow
to catch the never ending tears.

-

A Blank Spectrum

-

Stop, some people are trying to sleep*

While night may greet you with wide eyes

Others prefer to dance in the sun.

Do not disturb that which begs no interruption.

Our differences have made the world grand,

though we may not understand each other

I hope one day we will all see

the same vision.

But until then, let sleeping dragons lie

The intersection is empty.

Your image is fading- a speck on the horizon.

My fingers ache to reach, I resist.

History has proven that discourse is possible.

I have hope that one day our sunrises may blend

Until then, seek the night dear friend.

*Line borrowed from "Chicory at Night," by Sandra McPherson

-

The Irony of War

-

We do not pretend we know the words for how we feel*

unless they are grim.

For life is always electrified when the sky is grey.

Senses ignite awake- imps for brutality.

Every taste is acrid.

Thoughts maliciously prick at the brain.

Mutiny infests the cells of the body,

and every hair bends inward.

Magnified, we struggle to survive.

Maintaining control seems insidiously doubtful.

To let defeat spread is disaster.

Painfully trudge- each finger alert to anarchy

The division between the heart and mind is astounding.

They prepare their ranks for battle, but neither can win.

The face, the senses, my body, all a war zone.

Winning is not an option because

we all lose when one wins.

Life is better when we all cooperate.

I am divided, cut, a part of two worlds.

Yet, against their better judgment the organs presses on

Toward my demise.

-

*Line borrowed from "Disembodied," by Sandra McPherson

-

A Strangers Apathy

(An Elegy Poem)

-

The water's been running

Steam engulfs the room

A deep fog settles in

Penetrating sight

I grope for the wall

Tripping over a hairbrush

Reaching the counter

I grasp the edges

of the cool ivory

A scream

A swiping motion

Desperate to reveal my reflection

on the damp glass

Swipe after swipe

there is no progress

My image is lost

Dam the water!

Make it stop

let a cool breeze in

Clear this fog,

let vision reinsue.

Please, I beg you.

Do not cause me to weep longer-

My tears have clouded

everything I've known.

No one answers.

My shoulders collapse

I am defeated

I can no longer see myself

hopelessness is by far

the very worst

purgatory. losing identity.

I shudder.

Silently, the glue dissolves,

I shatter.

The ground welcomes

the stranger- the It- I've become.

What was left, if anything, has vanished.

Reaching the waters edge,

It slips into a decrepit insanity.

Decaying, It lets the water consume my body whole.

Girls Night

Mandy Booth and I had a girls night in on Saturday. Here is a picture of her and I sleeping under my bed. My bed is extremely high off the ground, so we made a fort underneath it and slept there.
We went shopping beforehand and got apples, peanut butter, kettle chips, Naked juice (mango flavor), and Mambas.
When we got to my house we made our bed, then we spent the evening as follows:

Bathing suit Bubble Bath for Two with Lavendar Scented Salts and Bubbles
Pedicures for two, Pink for me, Silver for Mandy
When Harry Met Sally Movie + Cuddle Buddy Session in our Fort (as depicted by picture)
Girl Talk on a variety of topics

We really enjoyed ourselves. In the morning we had the LLC free Continentla Breakfast. We both got fruit and muffins and came back up, chatted for a bit, and went our seperate ways to church.

It was fun. I need girls night more often.

Apples

I stole four apples from the Marketplace.

Okay...okay...here is my reasoning. The Marketplace is an all you can eat buffet, and I rarely eat all I can eat. I could have eaten these apples there, but I would much rather eat them as a snack later tonight with my organic Adam's Peanut Butter.

Second, the fruit at The Marketplace always goes rotten, so I am doing a service by not wasting food.

Last, it was never my decision to close at 7:00. The owners very well know that college students stay up until 2:00 AM, so I feel no remorse for packing away a midnight snack.

I have a cold... ick.

I hate being sick, it is the absolute worst. I have a cold, and I think they may be one of the worst illnesses? Why you ask? Well, let me tell you.
When you have a cold you aren't quite sick enough to legitimately stay home, but you aren't well enough to feel like going out. You have to force yourself to get up and out of bed, and the whole time you are out working or going to school or whatever you do, your focus is limited because all you can think about is how sick you are.
My symptoms are as follows: a slow nasal drip accompained by severe congestion, pressure all over my head, partnered with a headache that makes me want to take a hammer to my head. I have also had a sore throat the last few days, and I think my illness has led me to grind my teeth in my sleep, because there is an abnormal build-up of pressure in my molars.
Basically, I just want to screw my head off and set it somewhere else for a week, because it stinks. The rest of my body is well I suppose, but it is hard to function when everywhere around your brain is screaming at you.

Dancing

I forgot how much I love dancing. I went to all the dances in high school, and had the best time. Lately I have been dancing a lot more and it is fantastic!

I have been taking a modern dance class and I am really enjoying myself. We have been doing some improv dancing which is just fun and spontaneous, I really look forward to the class.

I also went country dancing tonight with one of my best friends, Mandy Booth, and that was a blast. I want to go more often.

Not only is dancing such a fun release, but it is great exercise, so I am satisfied with this reinvention of self that I am coming upon. It's like I've stumbled on a piece of myself that I lost in the last few crazy years, and the discovery is surprisingly refreshing. I can embrace this.

Dabbling with Photoshop

Meet Grant

So, I am dating someone new. He is fantastic, just for the record. His name is Grant, he is a USU graduate student getting his M.B.A. in Business. He is from Kaysville, Utah, and turned 24 on Friday, September 19th, which coincidentally is National Talk Like a Pirate Day- and you thought April Fools Day was cool. He served his mission in Mozambique, which for those of you who didn't pay attention in geography class, is in Africa, and I think that is so cool. Wanting to be an avid traveler myself, I often get jealous of the cool places people have been. He also spent his summer in Peru- double jealous.

We get along really well and always have a fun time, so I just wanted to introduce him to everyone.

A new blog

I know, I know. I am blogger extraordinaire. I now have three blogs, although, starting, well, now...you may only view two. One has become a more personal endeavor and I wish to keep some things personal. I still have my professional blog, Poppycock of Print and Politics, which I invite you to check out because I will be updating it with all of my new Utah Statesman and Aggie Television pieces, so keep posted. This blog will be my fun blog, and I hope to begin to take more pictures to make it interesting. I want to document my wonderful life, and I hope you will join me in the journey.