Sermon on Loving Yourself

This month has been pretty crazy, getting settled in for a few months at my in-laws home while they are in England and getting all trained for my new jobs. Things are going pretty well, Scott is tackling his schoolwork fairly well, he has a pretty tough semester, but he is so smart, and he will do just fine. He is very diligent with his studies, for the most part. Living with my two brothers-in-law is a little detrimental to his study focus (Can you say Starcraft much?) but he does pretty well all things considered, and I am happy he gets to spend so much time with them. I have so many things I could catch you all up on, but I want to get on to the heart of this post:

My job is going great, I can't say too much because it is pretty confidential and I want to respect that to the extreme, but what I can tell you, is that it is totally amazing and completely, heart-breakingly draining at the same time. I am working with girls with eating disorders, and I never fully understood what an awful disease anorexia nervosa was. Bulimia is obviously just as bad, but right now the majority of girls have the former disorder, and being surrounded by it daily makes me feel so grateful for my healthy body image and mind set. I truly, and honestly believe that being a member of the church has completely helped me develop a loving and self-respecting attitude toward my body, and I wish that I could share that knowledge and understanding with the young women I work with, but I cannot cross any moral boundaries and have to remain professional. So instead of sharing it with the girls I know need this the most, I will share it on here in the hopes that perhaps it will help someone else understand how wonderful they are, and how beautiful and special their body is.

I know I am made in the image of a supreme and holy being, my heavenly father. I know that I am a daughter of God, and that while the world may see some of my physical traits as less than perfect, I know that in God's eyes I am flawless. The world wants to categorize everyone into specific genres, telling everyone that you have to be a cookie cutter woman to be worth anything, but I know differently. I know that originality and differences are the true treasures I possess, and I am happy to have my butt-crack nose. I love that my eyes are Brown, even though I would have been happy with Blue or Green too. While my lips will never compare to Angelina Jolie's, I am grateful that I will never have to spend so much time re-applying lipstick and balm. I appreciate my long torso and big boobs that make it nearly impossible to buy shirts that I like, and remind myself every time I go shopping that they don't make my size because I am simply too special. The point I am trying to make is that we need to learn to love the things that we like least about ourselves. All of the above are things that at some point I have wanted to change. What I now realize is that if I didn't have these traits, I wouldn't be me anymore, and I don't want to change myself. I am proud of who I am, and if I changed that the world would be short of Lindsay Marie Anderson Kirby.

It would be an absolute shame if we all looked the same, if we all had the same color of eyes, if we all had the same nose and lips and legs and butt. Concepts of beauty are ever changing and evolving. I love looking at 16th century art and pointing out that those women have flab and boobs and the occasional mustache, YET they were so beautiful for their time that they are forever immortalized in a piece of art that has been admired and appreciated for centuries. Embrace who you are, realize that you are made in God's image, that he designed you, he designed this world, and I promise you he took just as much care in creating you as he did this world. Think how perfectly this world fits together, all the beauty in nature. God was careful, he made no mistakes, everything was thought out carefully. Would he do any less for the children he loves, for the children he sent his beloved son to die for? The answer is NO! God makes no mistakes, and he has made you the way you are, perfect and flawless. The only thing that is flawed is the perception the world has on what you need to be or look like.

A bishop once told me every time I looked in the mirror and felt bad about myself it was just Satan telling me that I wasn't good enough because he was jealous, jealous that he would never, ever, be able to have what I have- a body. My bishop told me at that moment of insecurity I needed to look myself right in the face and say, "I am beautiful, I have a body, a precious gift."

I am so grateful that I have healthy body image, because I have seen what can happen if you don't. There are times at my job I have to choke back tears because of the tremendous feelings of compassion I feel for these lost little girls. The simplest daily routine can be so overwhelming for them, and it has completely impacted their entire lives. Instead of being normal teenage girls going to dances, cheerleading, getting ready to leave for college, they are at the Avalon Hills facility.

I encourage you to check out the website: http://www.avalonhills.org/

The program is absolutely fantastic, and I am so proud to be a team member of an outstanding facility that is helping young women have a chance to be happy and to change the course they are currently on.

I know this post was a little bit deep, but I really felt like I needed to say these things, and I would love to hear your comments on the subject.

Perpetual Catch-up

I always seem to be the biggest slacker when it comes to actually sitting down and writing to cyber-space. I am a tad better when it comes to writing in my journal, but not by much.

Scott and I are back in Logan, and should be here for another 2 years or so, depending on what Scott decides to do for his masters program. We are currently living with my In-Laws, because they are going to Europe for a few weeks, and we are going to fill in as cook, maid, and part-time babysitters. The last part not so much, but we are in charge of making sure Grandpa Murray, who lives next door, takes his pills and has food to eat. It is nice to have the free rent, but I am also finding myself a tad anxious to get our own space again. This Summer with my family was fantastic, and it was great for them to get to know Scott better and vice-versa, but it was just the right amount of time, and we were definitely ready to move out when the end of Summer came. Scott missed his family, and while I love my family dearly, I love having my own space. So, we have about 8 or so weeks living here while Mom and Dad K. are gone, and then we will hopefully be moving into a nice upgrade from our last apartment. I check KSL religiously, even though I know I will not be able to put down a deposit on anything for a month or two, but I just like knowing what the general outlay of the apartment world looks like right now.

I have been given a wonderful opportunity by a close family friend to help her with her accounting business and it has been such a blessing. She is so flexible, the work is from home, and it is something that, if all goes well, I could do for many years to help fill in the gaps of our expensive perpetual student lifestyles. I have also been looking for a full time job, putting in applications everywhere I can, and finally got a call back from Avalon Hills, a eating disorder treatment center here in the valley. This was the first job I applied for back in August, and I had totally given up hope they were going to contact me, but they did, and I have my interview today. I am really excited by the prospect, and I seriously hope that I can get the job. The pay isn't glamorous, but I think it would be a really worthwhile opportunity, and something I could really poor my heart into. I like the idea of enjoying my work, and not just doing something begrudgingly, selling my soul for another 2 or 3 bucks on hour.

Scott and I are doing really well. We have been trying to be more conscious about spending time with each other, going on dates, and all out just remembering to still court each other. It seems to have helped the last few weeks, to remember how much fun we can have together, and that life doesn't have to be so stuffy and productive all the time. He has been planning some really fun dates, and says he has a really great one planned for later this week, so I will let you know about how that goes later on.

Oh before I go, I really should give a little update on the cruise we took with my family. We had so so much fun, and we were able to spend some really great moments with each other. We ate fantastic food, got to do an amazing adventure excursion with lots of zip lines and repelling, and we saw some great shows on the ship. We played games and cards, relaxed and really just had the best time as a family. I am so grateful my parents were able to do this for us, and I love them so much, it will be a trip we will remember and reflect on for a long time to come.