More Poetry

Poem inspired by the painting "Beanstalk" by Gordon Onslow

Death by Stalk

Behind the black and white stalk he ran,
Ebony ink dripping from his hands.
"Jackie come back to me!" I demand.
But he climbs on the stalk at my reprimand.

I lick my freshly salted lips,
Sniffing tears between his quips,
He promised I could come this trip.
But he's lied again - I hope he slips.

I stand in my pristine wedding smock
Wanting to climb the ink sopped stalk,
But second guess when I think of the mock
I'd encounter if I stained my white frock.

This was Jack's intention you see
To go alone again, leaving me
So he painted the stalk so colorfully
So I can't join him as a "we."

But Jack spun his web of lies
Of golden geese and massive pies.
The fibs he told were giant size
To hide the truth before my eyes.

Why would you string me along like that?
Like waving a mouse before a cat?
Raise my hopes, then knock me flat
Call me your love, then run like a rat.

At the stem of the stalk I foolishly wait
For Jack to come down and reinstate
The plans that we had for our wedding date,
But it's getting late, and I'm growing irate.

I approach the stalk and carefully linger,
Dipping the dark paint on my finger.
I paint war striped on my cheeks in anger
And morph into the justice bringer.

"SELFISH, STUPID JACK!" I scream,
"You PROMISED me we'd be a team!"
But now all I want, all I can dream
Is to ring your neck, and beat you to cream.

At this thought something finally snaps.
I run to the shed and grab the ax
Behind the stacks of Jack's Giant Land crap,
and run back to the stalk to get back at the sap.

And I chop and slash away at its base -
Tears streaming down my determined face,

And I let out a cry, cause I hate Jack -
And I want to make sure he never comes back.

Sonnet Poem - Pens can't mend hearts

Your weapon of choice - your pen
To Disect my fraying heart.
With written word my friend,
You quip and clip and dart -
Between my sobs of pain -
You lyrically profess
The way you love again
and all feelings I supress.
Your love is true and sure
But it won't fix this wound
For long before your cure,
My Taste for love was ruined.
So fade away and vow
To leave me with my broken crown.

Pastoral Poem - Wisdom in our Wood

Our special place, the hidden wood
Where as small children we knew we could
Run wild like the elk, and free like the wind
And embrace that time without an end

The colors sweep around our world
Emerald, sun toned hues, and gold
Long stemmed grasses bend and bow
Near the bush where the blackberries grow

With purple stained lips we laugh with glee
And believe this is all we'll ever need
As five year olds we are so wise
And see the world through clearer eyes

We grasp our hands and climb our tree
And sit in its branches completley free
From all oppression and thoughts of war
And all was sweet, we knew no sour

We could sip the honeysuckle dew all day
Laughing, in the breeze we sway
And bathe in the cool autumn air
Barefoot, naive, without a care.

As the sun sets low up in the sky
We embrace in moonlight, say goodbye
And dream all night of the secret glen
Where on the morrow we'll meet again.

Paint Dance!

These are the pictures from the USU Paint Dance and Street Painting, both USU Homecoming traditions. I had a blast, as you can see from these pictures. It took a 20 minute shower, dish soap, and lots of shampoo to rectify this mess, but it was so worth it!!!

Silver Linings

I have had a few very awful weeks, lots of mishaps and bad luck, and yet nothing has been able to break me down, I have been persistently happy, I am totally digging this jovial perspective I have maintained.

I had the worst blind date in the history of blind dates and yet I managed to make it a joke and even laughed off his mean insults when I refused a second date.

I got dumped for the first time in my life, and yet he and I are doing really well at being friends, and I am even going on a date tomorrow and feel totally great about it.

I am going to have an awesome weekend. I am going to Frightmares with my friend Shari, and I am also going to a corn maze with a bunch of friends. I am just way happy with life, nothing is going to break me down.

I hope this persists, I hope it is a permanent attitude attribute.

FINALLY some rest.

I have been going at full speed the last few weeks because my plate was completely full. I had three midterms, I did four packages for ATV News, I had a ton of advocacy issues to solve for on-campus residents, I have been getting ready to go to IACURH our leadership conference by writing bids for people at our school (bids are eight page scrapbooks really with a persons involvment, service, academics, etc. that say why they are cool and they can win awards at our conference) and on top of that I have been interviewing people for the statesman, ATV News, and the bid, while trying to maintain a social life. It has been exhausting. My roommate and I turned to each other today and said, "I am so sick of getting ready." Its 8 a.m. and we are both WAY tired, I just wanted to go back to bed, but I am not quite done yet.

This weekend, is fall break, and I will finally get a reprieve. On Friday I am going to Frightmares with my friend Shari, I am pretty excited, I have never been before, hopefully we have a good time. On Saturday I am going to hang out with my friends at some point, make my bulletin board, etc. Should be good.

Life is crazy, but I wouldn't have the time pass any slower, this is a very nice pace, I like super sonic speed at the moment :)

Babes in the Woods Part II

Last fall my best friends and I went up Green Canyon here in Logan and took family pictures. This year we did the same thing, and kept the tradition alive. Without futher adieu, here are some of the camparisons from last year to this year and how we have all changed.

Last Year

It's amazing how much changes in one year. Last year there were so many things going on in my life that I don't even think about any more. One year ago I was stuck in such an unpleasant perspective, I was walking around with tunnel vision, sure that what I was doing and what was happening in my life was the best. I really lost sight of who I was and what I deserve, but luckily, I saw the big mistake I was going to walk into and did a 360. I have changed and grown so much as a person. I am grateful for the life experience I have gained this last year, but am also glad that phase of my life is over. However, I do miss the cute hair I had in these pics.....oh well, give it a few months and I will have it again :)

This Year

I hope that one year from now I can look back on these pictures and marvel at the wonderful changes I have made in my life, which is a constant progression. One year from now I should be getting ready to graduate from college, and moving on to a career, to my own real apartment, perhaps even dating someone really great. I don't know what next year holds for me, but one thing I do know is that I can choose my attitude no matter what life throws at me, and I vow to make my life happy no matter what my circumstances are. I hope one year from now I can still maintain the same broad smile on my face, and if I can do that, then I will have accomplished something great.

My Column Piece for The Utah Statesman for October

I write a monthly column for The Utah Statesman, and this is my third column piece. Enjoy!

A few weeks back you will recall my article "single sucks." Since that time I can only think of one thing that is worse, and that would be dating.
Dating is one of the most torturous events anyone can go through. I am not talking about those stable happy relationships, but rather actual dating, the no commitment, getting to know people phase.
First you see someone, and you think they are way attractive, but you can't just go up to them and tell them that, because then you would be classified as a creep. See, our society does not value honesty in this circumstance. Rather, it is socially acceptable to pretend you don't even care for the other person that way. You have to play the game, and you have to do it well. To play the game you need to play it cool. There is no just walking up to the person and asking them out. You need to accidentally bump into the person, or have a friend introduce you, that way you gain credibility.
WHY? Why do we no longer value honesty, why can't you just walk up to someone and tell them what's on your mind? We all find people attractive, we all like other people, why is it so unacceptable to tell a person that you think they are beautiful or amazing? Shouldn't a person be flattered by these comments instead of creeped out? Apparently not. So right from the beginning everyone is nervous about being classified as a creep.
The next step, if you are introduced in the acceptable manner, is to figure out how to get to know the person better. You could attempt to get their number, but what if they reject you? That would just be plain awkward. It has been my experience that the best way is to figure out through a little investigation how you can "bump" into each other again. Perhaps a little Facebook stalking? Don't tell me you have never done it. Facebook is the new, and almost preferred, dating medium, and there is no harm in adding your new interest as a friend.
Pardon the reiteration, but WHY? Why are we so communication retarded. When did we as a generation lose interest in communication skills? All the time people break-up over text and e-mail. I have been asked out on more than one first date by an e-mail, and let me tell you, those first dates went absolutely nowhere. Why are we more comfortable with writing each other a message than talking to a person? I personally think it is plain silly and issue all of you a challenge. Try using a phone sometime, it is not that horrible.
Okay, moving on. You've done the initial second pseudo interaction. Now what? An actual interaction. How do you get to see them again? At this point I am reaching either apathy toward the whole situation, or am feeling a little bit discouraged. I begin thinking, "There is no way this guy would ever be interested in me. He probably has a girlfriend. There is no way we would ever get along. He is going to think I am crazy. I am probably going to hate his personality. I bet he is gay, etc. etc. etc." The whole dating task seems nearly impossible at the beginning, and it is so much easier at this point just to give up than exert the energy to move forward, but like good little boys and girls we are all ambitious and thirsty for the next step, and most of the time we pursue it.
Now you have to lay your pride on the line. This step I have heard from most of my guy friends is the hardest, the actual date asking. Will she say yes, and if she does, is she just being nice? We really work dating up to be such a big deal, when, c'mon, it does not to be the end all of everything. If the person says no, so what? Are you going to go home and cry? Maybe, but honestly, this is not going to destroy the rest of your life. Also, for the people who get asked, just because a person is asking you on a date does not mean they want to marry you. Dating, yes, can lead to marriage (that sounds like an attorney generals cigarette warning, 'smoking cigarettes may lead to cancer.'), but it doesn't always, especially at the beginning. Yet, despite all of these rationalizations, it always ends up being a big deal. We get nervous at this point, with sweaty palms and dry lips we walk up to that person and hope with all our might that something will work, and when it does, you embark on the first date, the start of your journey toward the ever coveted "relationship."
If you continue dating, there are pit-stops on the way to an actual relationship. The always awkward first hand hold, or first kiss. The first kiss cracks me up, and I never do it well. I always give nervous giggles in between kisses, thinking to myself, "I have no freaking clue what I am doing!" Why didn't anyone ever think to teach a class on kissing? I have been kissing for years, and every first kiss I think that same thing, and I doubt I will ever really know what I am doing. Back to the subject though, initiating these physical manifestations of love are very difficult, and if not overcome with a minimum amount of grace, can doom any potential relationship. I do not need to emphasize again how scary dating is, you all already know that, but this particular event is one of the hardest. I once dated a boy who it took eight months to initiate the hand holding stage, it took him nine to ask me to be his girlfriend, and I can tell you, he was SCARED.
Finally, if you get there, you have a "DTR." In my last relationship I had to initiate it, because he just wasn't going to go there. I was WAY terrified. We had been dating for a few weeks, and we had never discussed anything remotely close to what we were and where we were going. I was way confused on top of already being a confusing person - not a good combination. To be honest, my brain was a pile of mush. I turned to my girlfriends for advice and support, and they told me it was obvious he liked me, I should just ask him what he thought of "us." I finally did, but it was really hard, and even after the talk I was left confused about what we were.
Here is the point, why does something that is supposed to be wonderful intimidate us all? Why have we all made it so hard for one another? What group of people got together and decided to write our societal norms? If I ever find out what committee was in charge of the dating segment of norms, I am going to write them a very nasty letter. I swear they must have sat around some prestigious table laughing their heads off writing the dating constitution and any of its amendments. Regardless of how they came about however, I guess I still don't understand why dating in its entirety has to be so complicated. Yet, dating is what it is, and I don't think it is going to change anytime soon, no matter how many columns I write.
Dating is messy. It can hurt like heck, I know this one all too well. Even after you think things are stable and that the other person truly does care for you, the rug can still be pulled out from under you. We all take the risk, and we all will, at some point, get hurt. Dating sucks- there is no doubt about it - but we still do it. I have fresh wounds from my latest dating endeavor, and getting back on the horse seems more bleak than ever, and yet I can't wait to do it again.
Is the human race compiled entirely of sadistic individuals? Perhaps, but there is a high that comes from dating, from finding someone to share everything with, that you can't find anywhere else, and while most of the time it seems we fall flat on our butt, there are occasions when things work, and they are wonderful. When you finally find the person who gets you, and who wants to spend all the time in the world with you, all of the bumps and bruises will be worth it, or at least that is what I hear. I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing that just yet, but I maintain hope that it does work like that at some point. I can't wait until I can cash in all of these scars for someone who happens to like the mangled emotional carcass I have become because of my awful dating past. Maybe I will even find someone who can heal me completely. In the meantime all I can do is hope, and keep playing this awful game of dating, that truly, truly, TRULY sucks.